Igbo Traditional marriage process
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Wedding Planning Guides and Fashion
The Igbo Traditional Marriage Ceremony: Stages and Custom (Grooms’ Guide)
If you’re a man who is planning to marry an Igbo woman, this post will get you familiar with the Ibo engagement ceremony stages and process and the customary marriage rites a groom is required to complete – it’s not as overwhelming as people say it is. In this post, you will get an overview of the Igbo engagement and traditional marriage ceremony process, as well as see what goes into the Igbo traditional engagement list that the groom should take to his in-laws, so that you’ll know, in advance, what to expect.
The purpose of this post is to give you an idea of what to budget for when preparing for an Igbo traditional marriage ceremony. While this is a guide for grooms who want to marry Igbo women, note that the Igbo custom requires that a groom is required to officially ask his in-laws for the customary engagement list. If your prospective father-in-law is alive, he is the one to ask; if not, ask your fiance’s mother – she knows how to get the list (usually, she’ll ask for it from the elders in the village).
The Igbo traditional engagement ceremony is in stages, but they can be done a few days apart – it all depends on when you (the groom) get the engagement gifts ready. If you’re on a low budget, and your future wife understands, you can skip one of the stages – read on to find out which one that is.
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Overview of Traditional Marriage Proposal in the Custom of Ndigbo (Igbo People)
Before I give you the engagement list, I thought you should know a bit about the Igbo marriage tradition. But if not, skip this section and go straight to the traditional engagement list in the next section below.
Before a man marries an Igbo girl/ woman, he must first ask for her hand in marriage, from her parents, as well as her umunna (her extended family, represented by the elders). The oyibo/ western-style ‘marriage proposal on-bended knee to the woman’ doesn’t count – her ‘yes’ to you (the groom) is not really only or final say, you still have to formally “ask” her parents, as well as her kindred (extended family) in her Nigerian home town.
So, it’s not enough to also announce your (marriage-) intentions to her parents. Marriage is a communal thing in Igboland, like everywhere else in Nigeria, so you (the groom) are expected to ask her clan for her hand in marriage in accordance with the Igbo custom and tradition.
The 4 Stages of Igbo Traditional Marriage Ceremony
According to the Ndigbo traditions and customs, the Igbo traditional wedding/ marriage involves the following stages:
- Marriage Introduction/ Proposal/ Inquiry (Iku Aka or Iju Ese) – This happens pre-wedding, and here, the bride and groom’s family get to meet and be formally introduced;
- Consent From Her Umunna/ Extended Family – This is the traditional marriage proposal. As with the Igbo customs, the groom asks for the bride’s hand in marriage, in the presence of her Umunna (direct and extended family, with family elders).
- The Dowry/ Bride Price Payment (Ime Ego) – The dowry is a presentation of the customary list of gifts by the groom to the bride’s family, to ask for her hand in marriage. It is only accepted if the family accepts the groom/ finds him worthy to marry their daughter. The dowry is not an exchange or money to buy the women but has a significance in Igbo culture. Dowry is also practiced in many parts of the World, even during Biblical times.
- Wine-Carrying Ceremony (Igba Nkwu Nwanyi) – This is the traditional wedding reception party.
In order to help our grooms get a good idea of what is involved when marrying an Igbo lady, we wrote a detailed post explaining the processes involved during each of the above Igbo traditional wedding stages, with the procedures involved.
Iwww.kik.com/Christophergbo Traditional Marriage Process Explained in Details
This post that you’re reading is part 1 of the series explaining the Igbo marriage stages, traditions, and customs. We’ve written detailed, easy to understand articles to help you understand how to go about marrying an Igbo woman. Click a link below to get familiar with the process before your big day:
- Part 1 (This Post )- The Igbo Traditional Marriage Ceremony: Stages and Custom (Grooms’ Guide)
- Part 2 – the process, Igbo traditions and customs for marriage introduction and seeking of family consent
- Part 3 – the procedure and customs involved in “Igba Nkwu” wine carrying.
- Part 4 – Answers to Frequently Asked Questions about the Igbo Marriage ceremony rites and processes.
- Part 5 – The Igbo Traditional marriage List and Bride Price
If you enjoyed reading, please help share this post with someone that may benefit from it – on Facebook/ Twitter/ by email.
MORE TIPS AND IDEAS FOR PREPARING FOR AN IGBO WEDDING:
- Igbo Traditional Wedding SONGS Playlist
- Igbo Grooms Attire Ideas: Igbo Grooms Wrapper and Shirt Attire Styles
- 8 Trendy MEN’S Senator Styles with Pocket Square (an Igbo Men’s Fave Style)
- Latest Igbo Traditional Marriage Attire for BRIDES
- Trending Igbo Traditional Wedding Hairstyles and Coral Beads for Brides
Did I miss anything about the Igbo traditional wedding stages or do you have a question? I’d love to hear from you – leave me a comment below.
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About Stella Anokam
Stella is the founder and editor of this blog (NaijaGlamWedding). She's a project manager who loves weddings and believes that every wedding is a project and can benefit from simple PM ideas. She loves helping couples figure out how to plan a memorable Nigerian wedding on any budget. | Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest for a daily dose of bite-sized tips and inspiration. | Also, submit your marriage proposal and wedding pictures, with your love stories to be featured.
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I am an International and Local Wedding Planner in New York. I was asked to plan and coordinate my first White Nigerian Wedding with a guest list of 400. The groom is American and his future bride is Nigerian. I am truly excited about this because I love the culture and attire, and always wanted to start doing Nigerian Weddings. My question to you.
The bride informed me that once they start planning, I do not have to attend the traditional wedding and marriage in Nigerian, they both only want me to concentrate on their White wedding here in the USA. Is this okay, they felt that I will not be needed abroad.
-Maybe they don’t want or have a budget to take care of your travel and accommodation to Nigeria for their trad wedding; OR
-they want a nothing-goes-wrong white wedding day in the USA, and are afraid that your taking time off to attend their trad wedding could compromise the quality of wedding you deliver for them.
-The tradition in Nigeria is for the traditional marriage to hold in the bride’s home (usually, her ancestral home/ village home, where her parents originate from).
-On fusing Cultures: Go ahead, make your wedding YOU & HIM – play Mexican music and Nigerian music. Serve Mexican food and Nigerian food. Wear Mexican outfits and Nigerian outfits. >>This sort culture fusion at weddings is done every time by Nigerian brides marrying Nigerian men of a tribe (or language) different from theirs. >It’s also done by Nigerian men marrying women of other cultures outside Nigeria. >Recently, I saw a wedding video of a Nigerian man who went to India to marry his bride (the Indian traditional wedding, of course) – first, he wore the Indian attire for men; and at some point, he changed into his native Nigerian attire).
I wish you the very best – it shall be well with you. Please, know that there a so many honest and loving Nigerian men out there.
AA
Here, we focus on providing wedding planning tips, and not relationship advice. You alone are in the best position to know what marriage would be like with your Igbo guy. That’s because since dating him, you already know what his character is like and whether he is a difficult person. Therefore, sit down and analyse whether he’s a good fit for you. THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM BEING A ANGBO MAN – THE SAME APPLIES IF HE WAS A GHANAIAN OR FROM ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD – you alone will access whether marrying the guy would be a fit with what you expect.
Enugu people are Igbos and so their marriage rites are done in much the same way as other Igbos, as described in this post. And, you can always ask your wife-to-be to explain more to you. Thanks.
1. Can stage 1 & 2 be combined,
2. Can stage 3 (ime ego) be done without the groom and bride physically present
3. My lady and her family live in Lagos, can we do stage 1-3 in the village and do stage 4 in lagos?
thanks, i appreciate the write up.
Yes, stage 4 can be done where her father resides, if you do the previous stages at her village.
But then, it’s a good idea to let her father/ parents know how you intend to go about it.
>Traditionally, No, you won’t be doing wine-carrying, as traditionally, a groom-to-be performs the marriage rites required by the bride’s people. Since you are Yoruba, he will be marrying you according to your people’s tradition (you are the bride). [But there’s a subtle way you can, scroll down to see my explanation].
>However, you may want to do a non-traditional wine carrying, when you change attire – I’ve seen that happen, and that is if your people will understand that it’s just for the show. You know, these days brides especially are borrowing traditional wedding styles across the country, to make their big day more personalised and different. I’ve seen Ibo brides add transparent veils to their attire, and have their groom-to-be lift it off their face during their trad (that’s borrowed from Yoruba weddings).
>Here are more ideas for styling an inter-tribal Naija wedding like yours: you may want your wedding day (trad and white wedding reception) to have a look-and-feel of both cultures. And some of the ways to do that is by the couple wearing outfits from both cultures (outfit 1 -Yoruba, and outfit 2 -Igbo attire), playing some Youruba and some Igbo music, serving some Yoruba Food and some Igbo food; some Igbo-style aso-ebi PLUS some Yoruba-style aso-ebi, and maybe also doing an igbo + yoruba-themed traditional wedding decor.
>>Traditionally, wine-carrying is only done when the bride-to-be is an Igbo lady (it’s the Igbo way of giving out their daughter’s for marriage, and the Yoruba’s and every other tribe have their own way).
Thanks.